Port flush?

I was really hoping that last chemo was the last time I'd have to have my port accessed! But, alas it wasn't! Because I changed surgeons and surgery dates it looks like I need to have my port flushed. It's perfectly normal to be nervous and upset that I have parts of this chemo process to deal with. Flushing the port is important! But that doesn't mean I have to like doing it! It's a good thing I'm kicking cancers trash because I'm pretty sure I could never get used to my port being accessed!

So, here's hoping tomorrow's port flush will be the final port access!

Wish me luck!

A day with my Dad

Today was my original surgery day.  I have been wanting to cut out chemo scarves from all the fabric I bought several weeks ago, so I packed up all my stuff and headed over to my dad's. Packing up all my stuff to go to his house brought back many memories of packing up 'stuff' to go watch my Mom. This trip down memory lane made my heart happy. I was looking forward to hanging out with my dad. He spent his time working on all his garden 'starts' and I took over the kitchen table with all my cutting supplies. Having him to chat with was so enjoyable. We talked about his trip he just came home from, we talked about veggies to plant in the garden, we talked about how to wrap up your ear buds that go to your ipod, and we talked (mostly me, he just listened) about how to make tags for my chemo scarf project. He was intrigued with the tags I was talking about and we then spent the better part of an hour on the internet looking at companies that'll make labels/tags. We found a couple companies that interested me and now I'm looking forward to contacting them to see if they'll print my logo/design on their tags.

My dad and I went to lunch. He has a love for Chinese food, so we usually end of at the same Chinese. restaurant. The food was great! The company was even better! We were never at a loss of things to talk about. I like hanging out with my dad. He's one of my favorite people. And I love that he is so good at listening to me and encouraging me with my ideas.

Check out my awesome fortune! Totally appropriate for me! Don't you think?!

This was the shirt I wore today. It was a gift from our Chemo Bandit. I can only wear it for a few more weeks and then my 'under construction' will become a 'project complete!' I love that I am comfortable taking about my cancer to just about anyone. I really think I've been pretty positive through this but it's been hard! REALLY HARD! But something I remember saying in the beginning keeps coming to my mind, 'If me going through cancer can help ONE person It'll be worth it!'. We all have trials, and hard things happen to us. These things are meant to help US grow, but I also believe there are times when others grow by watching people go through trials. I love it when people come up to me and tell me what they have learned from my cancer. In so many ways it feels like this cancer has changed more people than just myself.


Thank you for encouraging me through this journey! I have the best family and friends! I have never felt alone! Thank you for loving me!
I love you all!

I'm a Roofer!

I woke up Saturday and it felt like I had a spider bite on my neck. I showed it to Dave and he agreed that it looked like a spider bite. The morning was busy and we quickly rushed to be ready for basketball games (Dave and Brad), AP study class (Dallas) and a day of volunteering for me at a Stake activity. During the service activity I kept thinking that my spider bite sure hurt. A LOT! I figured it wouldn't do any good to complain about it, and lets face it, a spider bite is nothing compared to the pain I felt from my double mastectomy. If I was strong enough to handle the pain from the mastectomy I could surely handle the pain from this bite...or so I thought.
Sunday morning Dave woke up to get ready for Bishopric meeting and wasn't feeling well. He's been working so hard and without many days off, so it's no wonder. He ended up staying home from meetings to sleep and get feeling better before the new work week began. I tried not to complain about my neck while I got ready for a missionary homecoming, but I'm sure I told Dave more than a few time how much it was bothering me. During the homecoming talks I kept scratching at my neck and thinking how much this was getting worse. By the time I came home and picked up my kids to go to our ward I was feeling pretty irritated by anything! that touched my neck! Before sacrament I stopped in the library to make copies and ran into a nurse friend. I asked her if she thought my neck looked like a spider bite. She told me she thought it was shingles and that a visit to the instacare TODAY was a pretty good idea for me! So, with her suggestion I texted Dave and told him about this conversation. After church I was pretty grumpy and super aggitated. Everything was bugging my neck- the sweater I was wearing, my clothes rubbing, the air moving across my skin. After getting dinner started Dave took me to instacare. The doctor diagnosed the shingles, ordered some prescriptions and we were on our way. The doctor prescribed an anti-viral pill to help the virus run its course quicker and a cream to put on the rash to help soothe it. Picking up my prescriptions we learned that the cream was going to cost us about $150 for a little tube, so I opted to tough it out and not get it. I'm taking the anti-viral pill 5 TIMES a day! Thank goodness for alarms on my phone! I have to wake up at night to take my pills too, that part it lousy, but if it means this incessant pain goes away sooner, I'm all for it! As for the size of these pills they remind me of a small rodent! They're HUGE! They don't give huge pills to wimps do they? You'd have to be a pretty tough person to choke down this big pill. Tough people have hard jobs, like roofing. I can be a roofer! I can be tough! And when I'm done taking all these pills I may be left with no shingles, but I'll still be a tough roofer!

Let it GROW!

Last night I ordered a lamp for my sewing corner. It'll be here on Friday! I'm having a lot of fun getting my 'Pay it Forward' station all set up and organized!

There are a 2 women in my support group who are in the beginning of their cancer journeys. This past week both of them shaved their heads. Loosing your hair is really a hard thing! I reached out to them both and told them I wanted to mail them or drop off a chemo scarf. One of the ladies lives in Spanish Fork (most of my support group warrior sister live in Utah County), so I emailed her pictures of the scarves I have right now. She picked the one she wanted and this morning I mailed it off to her! I can't wait for her to find this fun package in her mail!

This is the scarf she picked out. It's a fun one! Nice and bright and cheery! I am currently working on coming up with a Brand name for my project. Once I've come up with it I'll have some tags made that I can sew into my scarves. I have some other big ideas, but I'm going to save sharing them until I have my branded name. I'd love any suggestions!

So while I was at the post office I told them about my project and asked them to give me an idea of what it was going to mail chemo scarves around the US. If I mail them in this envelope it will cost me .91 cents! And I can mail them anywhere in the US! This makes me so excited to get me chemo scarves everywhere! And it won't have to be a financial burden either! This project is coming together quite nicely! And I'm healing myself in the process!

Because Sometimes Change is Good!

This post has been a little slow in coming, but for a good reason! My surgery date was set for the 29th of this month, but because I have new insurance I decided to get a second opinion. Remember my post about that? The option the 2nd opinion purposed was going to be more surgery than my body could handle, so I figured I stick with Dr. Agarwal up at the Huntsman. His plan was to do implants and move my latissimus from my shoulder blade on the cancer side to my front. This extra cutting, longer surgery, drains and longer recovery really had me hung up! This was not what I wanted but he was insistent that this was the only way.
For my support group in March they had a plastic surgeon, Dr. J come and talk about reconstruction. His presentation was incredible. His ideas on how to do things was so inline with what I wanted. BUT, I thought, 'There is no way I'd want to drive to Utah County for surgery!'. His surgery idea is to not do extra cutting and flaps if it's not needed. As he put it, 'no free flap surgery is free. They come with a cost'. Meaning loss of muscle strength, scars, complications, infections, etc.
I came home and talked to Dave about what I had heard and learned. I was excited! He suggested that I go see Dr. J, and by doing so maybe we could convince Dr. Agarwal to not do the latissimus, because Dr. J would have been my 2nd opinion of not needing it. I made an appointment. My sister-in-law went with me to this appointment. I quickly felt comfortable there. I saw Dr. J's assistant first and she explained how she thought he'd do my surgery. She did and exam and was confidant that he could make my end result beautiful. Dr. J came in and explained that he would do an exchange only, expander out- implant in, which would be an outpatient surgery!! Total time to do the job? About 2 1/2-3 hours, and some of that time is in recovery! No extra cutting! No drains! But there would be a cute belly band to wear while my liposuction site on my stomach heals. The fat taken from my tummy would be used to fat graft around my breast to make them look more natural and smooth around the edges. From what other breast cancer survivors have told me, the hardest part of this surgery is the discomfort from the liposuction. Most of them only took ibuprofen for pain, no heavy drugs. This is so appealing to me! I struggled big time with the last surgery and all the anesthesia, and all the million meds I took after. This surgery approach would be similar to when I had my port placed, so I'm encouraged that the side effects may not be as bad.
I made an appointment for surgery with the new doctor and told them that I wanted time to ponder and pray if this really was the right direction for me. They told me to make my decision and if I didn't choose to go with them to just call and cancel the surgery. No hard feelings they said. Surgery was set for May 20th at American Fork Hospital.
Having a constant prayer in my heart started as I left that office. Dave and I flew off to California to celebrate our 20th anniversary! Oh what a glorious time we had! While we were there we fasted and attended sacrament meeting with Dave's sister and bro-in-law. The answer wasn't strong and overwhelming, but a quiet, gentle affirmation that it was the right thing for me to go with Dr. J.
Monday morning after coming home I started having a spiritual nagging feeling that I needed to confirm that my insurance would indeed cover this new doc and hospital. I made the call. Thank goodness for spiritual promptings! My insurance doesn't cover the hospital! But the doc has rights at another hospital and a surgical center. Dr. J suggested I go to the surgical center instead of Timpanogo's hospital. My insurance will pay for either option. I chose the surgical center but asked if we could do it on a day where I can have a one night stay if I don't come out of anesthesia well. He does surgery on Monday's and Fridays at the surgery center. If I have surgery on Monday and need a one night stay over that day will work. Friday surgeries cannot have a night stay over. With that, my surgery for May 20th was canceled and moved to his first Monday appointment, June 1st!
With my choice to change hospitals and doctors I made the phone call to Dr. Agarwal and canceled my surgery. I feel so relieved, and a little sad. Relieved that I'm not having a surgery I don't want, and sad that I won't see Dr. Agarwal's nurses or Joanna his Nurse Practitioner. They were great people!
So now I have quite a bit of time to prepare (and be nervous) for this last chapter of my cancer journey. I've heard many people tell me that the final reconstruction is the gift of having breast cancer. I hope I will like my new body. There always seems to be a level of emotional healing that has to take place in all of this. While I may heal quickly physically, it may take a while to heal emotionally. Thankfully I have a huge support system, and many breast cancer friends who can share wisdom with me as I heal.
My mind is blown that I am at this last part of my cancer journey. I remember in the beginning thinking about what it would feel like to be done. I'm excited! I feel strong! I feel loved! I feel like a fighter! A Winner! And a warrior!
And when this chapter closes? My next chapter of chemo scarves making will go bigger! The next chapter will be all about Paying it Forward!

Because sometime you just gotta run away!

I have been so restless lately! It's like my spirit is anxiously waiting for something of importance to do! Today was one of those days that after my daily 'jobs' were done I was feeling super restless. The thought came to my mind to go to the temple. This is something I had done after every chemo treatment as a way to strengthen myself spiritually. With all the thoughts of my upcoming surgery being finalized I was feeling pretty good, but the nagging really intensified this afternoon. After dinner I told Dave that I selfishly wanted to run away to the temple. He was so supportive and encouraged me to go. So after getting the boys all settled in on their 'CLEAN THEIR ROOM' project, I headed out.
I could feel the spirit like the warmth from a fire before I even entered the temple. There was no wait to do initiatory and I was able to quickly get busy doing temple work. One of the ordinance workers was being trained, which meant she had a shadow person helping her. It was a neat experience for me. It made me realize how much we need each other to learn and to be successful in this life. We have a loving Heavenly Father who is giving us an earth experience in order to grow spiritually. What impressing me so greatly is He never leaves us while we are learning and growing. All we have to do is turn to Him in prayer and he so abundantly blesses us. His love is empowering and comforting!
I feel like a different person today than I did before this cancer journey. I am anxious to figure out what Heavenly Father has in store for me to do. So tonight as I took in the warmth of the spirit in the Temple I prayed with all my might that I might figure it out soon so that this restless spirit of mine can get to work!