Chemo Scarf Love Notes

After my Chemo party I came home and read through the love notes written by my friends and family. This one is a true gem! I'm sure the person who receives it is going to love this encouragement! My 5 year old niece spent quite a bit of time at the 'Chemo love note' station. She wrote the most love notes, and they were all heart felt from a 5 year old perspective. I am excited for the person receiving your love notes to read what you all wrote. Thank you!
The chemo scarf project was a huge success! I love that so many got involved in donating material, and that time was spent at my party writing notes to cancer patients. At my final count I made 53 chemo scarves! 17 of those I left in baskets on the day of my last Herceptin.
Tomorrow I'll be going to the Cancer Center to drop off Easter treats to my doctors and will also be taking a new supply of scarves for the hat baskets.
Thank you for helping me with this fun Chemo scarf project!

I love you all!

My Last Chemo! Ringing the Bell!

I have waited so long for this day! Waking up it felt a lot like Christmas morning! I had a new blouse to wear, the kids were missing school (except Dallas) to be there today with me, and Dave had the morning off.
Today I packed my chemo bag full of chemo scarves, chex mix and games to play. My dad met us at the Chemo center, in all there were 6 of us. Dave took video of my last port access. This one was very uncomfortable, the nurse thinks its because I've lost weight and that makes the access site jiggly. But in all truth I've gained weight. Thank goodness I'll never have to feel that again! I have loved having a port! So much nicer than being poked in the arm with a needle EVERY TIME I needed blood drawn or a treatment! When I have my final reconstruction I'm going to have my port removed and I've asked to keep it :)

Today's weight: 140
Today's Blood Work:
White Blood Count- 2.8, lower than the last time, (Normal is between 4.2-10.5)
Red Blood Count- 4.01, just a little low, (Normal is between 4.04-5.48)
Hemoglobin- 12.7, right on!, (Normal is between 12-16)
Hematocrit- 37.3, up a little from last time but still just a tad low, (Normal is between 38-48)
Platelets- 168, (Normal is between 140-450)

Discussion with my doctor today:
*I will not need an echo cardiogram again. Now that chemo is ending there isn't a concern for my heart anymore.
When will I see my doctor again? 
*I will see my oncologist every 3 months for 2 years, and then every 6 months for 5 more years.
What will those visits be like?
*Blood work to check all my levels, exam, discuss any new and concerning symptoms. Easy Peasy!!
What kinds of things do I need to watch for?
*New lumps, bumps, new symptoms that persist without explanation and last for more than 2 weeks.
* I will continue taking tomoxafen for the next 10 years. Studies show that longer than 5 years produces a better outcome. (So far I am not having ANY side effects or symptoms from this drug!)
*We talked about my periods. So far they have not resumed or come back, I am still in menopause. Not having periods means my ovaries are not producing estrogen. We want to block estrogen! Estrogen feeds cancer, so if my periods do come back my Dr. want me to let him know so that we put me on a pill to stop my periods. The drug is called Zoladex. By stopping my ovaries from producing estrogen I increase my cure rate by 3%. Tomoxafen alone puts my cure rate at 87%, so together I'd have a 90% cure rate. Not bad! There is a good chance that the hard chemo shut my ovaries down permanently, but time will tell. But overall, it sounds like I'm done having periods, one way or another :)
*The Dr. would like to do a Petscan towards the end of this year, some time around October-November.

The wait to see the doctor was forever long! We sat in our room for about a half an hour and then I decided to go to the waiting room to check on my kids. My friend Merla (my chemo buddy) had her husband come and bring me a gift. She was not feeling well so she didn't come with him. She sent him with her camera and asked him to take my picture. He didn't recognize me with hair, it was pretty humorous! After visiting with him I went back to my room to keep waiting for the doctor. We waited for another 10 minutes or so. By the time I finished up with the doctor I had friends already showing up to watch me ring the bell, but I still hadn't even had my transfusion!

Because I had friends there before chemo began we took turns having people in the chemo room with me. Today's chemo friends were: my Dad, Dave, 3 of my kids, my youngest brother Ben, my Grandpa Young, Becky W., and my friend Amy B. and her 5 little girls.

When my Grandpa came back to the chemo room he visited with his old nurse Mary and she suggested to him that he ring the chemo bell too! He has recently finished taking some oral chemo pills, so he is also a chemo graduate! My emotions were high as I walked to the bell! It was so fun to see all my friends and family standing at the end of the hall watching me! We decided that my Grandpa and I would ring the bell together! It was awesome! I have video footage of it, but not sure how to share it.

Before leaving I left my chemo scarves in several different hat baskets around the cancer center.

I am so thankful to have been taken care of at this Cancer center! I have loved all the doctors I've seen! I've loved the nurses too! And meeting new friends in the chemo room was something I'll never forget and always be grateful for!

I am so happy to be done! I cannot stop smiling! Now I just have to wait for my chemo party!

Last day of Chemo reminders...

Friday Morning I have my final chemo treatment. For any of you that would like to watch me ring the bell it will be around 10:30, but if you'll let me know you want to come I can do a mass text and give you a 30 minute notice of being done. When you get there just hang out in the waiting area and one of my kids or Dave will come get you when it's time.

The Chemo party is Friday night from 6:30-8:30 at the church by my house. (1380 West 6785 South)
We'll be having Pulled Pork sandwiches, salads and dessert. Sounds yummy doesn't it?!
There will be a couple of stations of things to do too. We'll have chemo blanket tying, chemo love notes to write, and some games for the kids.

Let me know if you have any questions!
I'm anxiously awaiting my fun Friday!
Hope you all can make it!
I love you all!

Bradley's best day ever!

Today Bradley got his walking boot off! He is pretty excited! Last week we went out shopping for a pair of new shoes so he'd have something to wear. It's not surprising how worn out his one shoe got while wearing the cast and boot! Back in January I joked with Bradley about who would be done first; him with this casts or me with my chemo! He beat me by TWO days! Lucky duck! He can return to normal activities, just no skiing. Truth is, he's already been doing normal acitivities with his walking boot. So, what was the first thing he did when he got home from school? He played a little basketball! There's no slowing him down now! I sure love that kid!

What Pi Day means to me

I’ve been laying in my bed, wide awake for the  past hour and a half. My mind has been tumbling over the memory of the 1st day I went and saw a doctor one year ago. Today marks the one year anniversary of going to see a doctor for the first time for my breast lump. I’m hoping that getting these memories written down I’ll be able to get some sleep before my family wakes up.
Flash back to the past…
Sometime around Halloween of 2013 I felt a small lump, but thought nothing of it. I had had a lump before and it ended up being a fibroid, so I figured that this new lump was probably the same thing. It didn’t hurt or bother me, so I did nothing. I didn’t even tell Dave I’d found it. I didn’t forget about it though, I felt it often and noticed that it wasn’t really changing. Around February 2014 the lump was getting bigger. It had been the size of a pea and was now about the size of a walnut. About this time I mentioned it to Dave and had him feel it. He lovingly, but boldly asked me why I hadn’t done anything about it yet. Our insurance had made some changes and who we could see had changed. I told Dave the reason was that I would have to pick a new doctor, and that was an inconvenience and stressful. I asked around for suggestions from friends to find a doctor. I still thought  this lump was nothing. Of all the names suggested to me by friends only ONE of them was on my insurance plan. I called and made an appointment, they could get me in the following week on Friday, March 14th. Talking to my friend Amy during the week over the phone I mentioned to her that I had this appointment and what it was for, she said that she'd like to come with me, just in case it was more than 'nothing'. I didn't want to waste her time and told her it was ok and that I would go alone. She was persistent and I eventually agreed to have her come with me. A few days before  the appointment I started to feel uneasy about this appointment so I called my Aunt Pam to tell her of my appointment and asked her to keep me in her thoughts and prayers. I told her I thought it was just a clogged milk duct and most likely nothing to be worried about. She was a great listener and even sent me an email later with a poem of encouragement.
Friday, March 14th...
I don't remember if Amy and I drove together to my appointment or met there, that part of the story is a blur. But I do remember sitting in the exam room waiting to see the doctor. I was nervous. I was sweating. The doctor was a super nice guy. He did his exam by feeling the lump and measuring it. The lump had grown, it was no longer the size of a walnut. It was now about 3 inches long and 2 inches across. He suggested I go get a mammogram to determine what this lump was. I remember him telling me that he wasn't going to lose sleep over me, but thought I shouldn't be able to sleep. He gave me some great advice that day, advice that may have saved my life! His advice was to fight for my care, to insist that I be seen that day for a mammogram. He said, 'don't let them make you wait weeks for an appointment'. As I left his office I sat in my car with Amy and began making phone calls to find a center that could get me in for  a mammogram. My insurance wasn't very helpful in locating a place that I could go, but after much time we found a place. However, they could see me for almost 3 WEEKS! I told them I couldn't wait, they told me sorry, but they just couldn't see me until the end of March. I made an appointment but then called St. Marks to see if they took my insurance, they said they did. I asked if they had any openings, they didn't. I explained my situation and was told that they would talk to the radiologist as soon as they came out of a meeting and see what could be done for me. I waited, it felt like forever! While I waited I picked up my little boys from school and delivered them to my in-laws to be watched while I figured out where I was going to be seen. My friend Amy had gone home to Lehi to take care of her kids, but said she'd come right back to Salt Lake if I wanted her to come with me to my mammogram. Right around lunch time I got a call back from St. Marks, they said they had an opening and could I be there in 30 minutes!! I called Amy and headed straight for St. Marks. Dave called me when he went on his lunch break and I updated him on what was happening. He said he'd meet me at St. Marks. The mammogram was a breeze! The imaging wasn't very clear though so they needed to have an ultra-sound. I sat in a waiting room for a million years, or so it felt. Dave sat and waited in a different waiting room, probably wondering what was going on. While I waited in this waiting room I was all alone, there were no other patients or people around. It was very quiet, and as I sat in this quiet I had a strong impression that my Mom was sitting next to me. This was the first time I had felt her presence since she had died. In this moment I felt calm and peaceful. I was taken to a room for my ultra-sound and the technician kept making sounds like she didn't like what she was seeing. She finished her job and said that the radiologist needed to review the images, and that the radiologist would most likely be coming in to do an ultra-sound of her own. At this point I asked if they could go get Dave so he could be with me to see and hear what the radiologist would do. Through this ultra-sound it was determined that the lump was not liquid filled but was a solid mass. It could be one mass, or it could be two that are bridged together, they were a little unclear about that. The mass does not have a smooth outer edge, it was jagged. This was concerning to the radiologist. I also have a couple lymph nodes in my armpit that are enlarged and darkened. This could be because of the irritation from the lump or it could be that whatever is going on in my breast is also happening in my lymph node. Again, they weren't sure. They scheduled an appointment for me to come back the following Tuesday for a biopsy. They would do 3 small incisions to take a sample of tissue to determine what was inside me.
Tuesday, March 18th...
I returned to St. Marks for my biopsy. I don't have a lot of memory of what happened during the biopsy. I do remember how long the needle was with the grabber though! I was numb and didn't feel much except for pressure when they'd grab a tissue sample. I remember being STARVED when my procedure was over and I was craving McDonald's chicken nuggets. Random, and gross, I know! My friend Amy was with me during my appointment and was my driver home. She stopped at Mickey D's and got me some chicken nuggets on our way home. Those chicken nuggets were the BEST chicken nuggets I have ever eaten in my life! Coming home I was groggy and tired. I remember resting and icing the biopsy area for the next 48 hours.
Wednesday, March 19th...
My neighbor Sarah came over with her cute little newborn and spent part of the day keeping me company and helping to take care of me. We watched a movie and had lunch together. I was pretty sore today and continued to ice my biopsy site.
Dallas was being inducted into the National Honors Society in the evening of this day. I was pretty miserable and sore but I went. And I took with me a small bag of frozen peas :) Frozen peas make the best ice packs. :)
Thursday, March 20th...
Dave met me on his lunch break at St. Marks. We met with the radiologist and a nurse navigator. it was confirmed that in all 3 area’s from my biopsy I had cancer. I was diagnosed what’s called invasive ductal carcinoma. This is the most common type of breast cancer. The cancer was classified as grade 3, which means its fast growing. This type of cancer reacts well to chemotherapy.  I was scheduled to go have an MRI to make sure the cancer had not spread beyond my lymph nodes the following day.
Friday, March 21st...
Show up at St. Marks with Dave and my little boys to have my MRI and they have no record of me having an appointment. My appointment was later in the evening so they couldn't get a hold of the doctor to get approval. The MRI tech eventually came out and got me and said he'd do my test and figure out tomorrow who to send it to. The MRI was traumatic, it brought back many memories of having them as a child for my brain tumor. Somehow I survived. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have another one for a LONG time.

From this point on until chemo treatment began my mind is pretty blank. I know lots of things happened and wish I had kept better notes.
My Dad was great at getting me to all my appointments with doctors, getting my port placed and taking care of me after. During this time as we prepared for chemo we were also getting Dallas ready to head out to New York with her AP class from school. Life was crazy busy, and maybe it's good I don't remember the details. One thing that resonates in my mind of what I do remember during that time is how much LOVE I felt. The outpouring of love and support from all parts of my life was HUGE! Looking back I can see that it was because of the prayers, the love, the service and by many small acts that my family was carried through the most challenging thing imaginable! Thankfully I can recall the beautiful things that happened better than the pain and suffering I went through. I am grateful for the relationships that were built and strengthened with many of you! I am grateful to have a husband who loves me and is my rock! This journey has strengthened my friendship with him and love for him! My kids- what troopers they are! This was so hard and scary for them. I enjoyed explaining to them what was going on and helping them see my faith that everything would be OK. My kids amaze me, and my love for them grew so much!

In 6 days I'll have my final chemo and get to close a chapter in this cancer story!
I am so excited to celebrate!

I love you all!

Getting a 2nd Opinion

Dave and I met with Dr. Chen today for a second opinion. Dr. Chen is a plastic surgeon who specializes in micro surgery doing fat and tissue grafting. My main goal in meeting with her was to find out if there were other options besides the one presented to me by Dr. Agarwal. Dr. Agarwal told me that I was not a candidate for the S-flap (fat and tissue from your bum) or DIEP flap (fat and tissue from your stomach) because I don't have enough 'fat'. Dr. Chen is famous for being able to do these surgeries! And her failure rate is 2%! That's amazing! I like those odds!
In the beginning of our discussion she said she may just be confirming that the surgery I have planned with Agarwal is good enough and perhaps the right choice for me. She spoke very highly of Dr. Agarwal and reenforced that I am in good hands. She felt like because of my body size implants would give me an optimal shape and look. And where I haven't had major discomfort from my tissue expanders I may not be too bothered by the implant. We talked about the latissimus dorsi flap surgery that is planned for my cancer/radiated side. She said if she was doing my surgery she would NOT do that procedure. She doesn't feel it is necessary because my skin isn't very damaged and I still have plenty of elasticity. In her opinion doing that procedure is leaving me with fewer option if it were to fail. This type of surgery should be done as a backup if the 1st surgery fails or if the skin is too thin and damaged. So what other options did she give me? And are they real possibilities for me? She does a couple of procedure that are excellent choices because the end result is closer to a natural breast, and the failure rate is significantly less! She says I AM a candidate for the S-flap, and if I go with this procedure I won't have to have more surgeries down the road, like I would an implant. Implants have a shelf life, no pun intended. With implants I can expect to have them exchanged 1-2 more time in my lifetime. The S-flap takes tissue and fat from my bum and transplants it into my breast pocket. The blood supply is reattached through micro surgery to make certain the tissue remains alive and with good blood supply. This surgery is 7 hours long! And they only do one breast at a time, with a 3 month waiting period in between surgeries. Following surgery I would be in the hospital 3 days to be watched and monitored to be sure the blood circulation is ok in the fat graft. I will have a drain in my breast and one in the flap area where the fat was taken from my bum. Oh joy! I won't be able to sit on the bum cheek that has the incision for a couple weeks, so I'll have to learn how to sit, how to get up from a sitting position and I'll have drains to take care of. So, no driving and no heavy lifting for a while. She thinks healing time is about 3-4 weeks. In surgery she will fix the cosmetic issue I have on my cancer breast, however she doesn't feel it can be corrected in surgery alone. She feels I'll need to have fat grafting done (later down the road) to fix, or as she said it, soften the issue. There is also the possibility of doing the DIEP flap procedure, but there is only enough extra fat and tissue in my stomach to do one breast. So, if I chose this option she recommends doing this for the cancer/radiated breast and then do an implant on the non-cancer side. BUT, if I go with that option they still only do ONE side at a time, and she would do the cancer/radiated side first. This surgery requires micro surgery again to reconnect blood vessels to keep the tissue alive and is again a 7 hour surgery, and a longer hospital stay.
I mentioned my desire to have an easier time recovering from anesthesia, but she said there really isn't a way to know how to make that happen. They will make sure to have good anti-nausea meds available to me though.
The pro's and con's?
:
*By choosing a surgery that uses my own tissue to make breast I won't have to have more surgery later for an exchange.
*The look and feel is more like a natural breast. I still have the option to go a little smaller or a little bigger, it's up to me.
*If my weight fluctuates, my breasts can too because the tissue has been grafted in and is a part of me and not some foreign object.
*The doctor says her failure rate is 2%, which is incredible considering the radiated side has an increase chance of failure because of damage done because of radiation.
*Longer surgery
*Longer stay in the hospital
*Having drain in the buttocks area and the breast
*harder, longer recovery

I really went into this appointment thinking she was going to confirm my decision to stick with Dr. Agarwal. She even said herself that he is an AMAZING doctor and I'm already in good hands. Dave and I both left feeling a little uncertain about what to do. We see one option being a quicker way to being done, and the other as a longer way to sculpt my body. Part of me just wants to be done with this!, and therefore wants to move forward with the surgery plan already in motion. But there is also the side of me that says that going the longer, harder road would be best in the bigger picture. Now the hard part comes, I need to pick a surgery. Having options is better than not having options I guess. I'm glad I got a 2nd opinion so that I can never second guess myself that I should have. I'm looking forward to my quiet times where I can contemplate my choices and be open to the spirit to help guide my decision. I know that I'll be praying with a greater purpose of finding an answer to this big decision.
This coming Sunday is fast Sunday for us, and I invite any of you who would like to fast with us in my behalf to do so. If you are not a religious person, I would ask you to send positive thoughts my way! Over the past year I have have been humbled and touched by your love and prayers and I know it can happen for this situation as well! I know Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I know He loves me and I know he knows how hard this experience has been for me. He is still by my side and through my faith and prayers he will help me know what to do.

And, last but not least, 13 days until my final chemo! I'm already trying to figure out what I'm going to wear to my final treatment. Last night I dreamt about this day and what it as going to sound like to ring the bell. It was a pretty amazing dream, and before I know it, it's going to be my reality!

I love you all!

It's Party Time!

Please join me and my family as we celebrate the completion of my chemo treatments!

Friday, March 20th- 6:30-8:30pm
LDS Church
1380 West 6785 South


Please RSVP, to help plan for the food:
   -  Will you be able to make it? If yes, how many people in your group?

If you would like to help with food, please sign up to bring a salad or dessert. Please come, even if you don't bring food!
Please send in any pictures you have of me during this journey, to help with a slide show.
We'll have a station set up for you to write notes of encouragement to chemo patients. These notes will be placed with each chemo scarf I am donating.
We will be making simple chemo blankets at the party as well.  If you would like to donate some fleece to this project, please bring 1.5 yards (45" wide) of happy colored fleece to the party.
If you have any fun kids games for the kids to play let us know. (Bean bag toss, Bingo, coloring pages, etc.) We'll have a few teenagers to run these games for the littler ones.