My chemo buddies today were: My dad, my Mom's parents and my good friend Becky. No visit with the doctor today, just went straight to the chemo room. I weighed 144 pounds today. : White Blood Count- 3.2, up .2 from last time, and still low. (normal is 4.2-10.5) Red Blood Count- 4.06, up from last time, and within normal! (normal is 4.04-5.48) Hemoglobin- 12.6, up .6 from last time, and within normal! (normal is 12.0-16.0) Hematocrit- 37.1, up one whole point but still a little low. (normal is 38.0-48.0) Neutrophils- 1.6, up .2 from last time but still a little low. (normal is 2.0-6.9)
On
our way back into the chemo room my Grandpa ran into one of his
favorite nurses, she just so happens to work at my cancer center now.
She was excited to see them and they were excited to see her. My Grandpa
told me I needed to be sure to be her friend as she is someone good to
have in your corner. Today's port access was the most painful one I
can remember. My nurse didn't follow the same process to 'plug me in' as
they usually do. I could feel my port, or the needle moving inside of
me when I'd move my right arm or flex the muscles on my right side. Not
very cool, but I didn't want to complain because then I'd have to get
poked again. I forgot to take a game to play but I didn't forget my yummy homemade chex mix and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.
Next
week Dave and I have an appointment with another plastic surgeon. This
one specializes in reconstruction after breast cancer and does micro
surgery. I've heard nothing but good about her and hope to gain insight
and conformation that my current surgery path is the right one. If this
doctor presents a better surgery option than Dr. Agarwal it will mean
the next surgery will be at St.Marks with a whole new set of doctors.
One of my greatest concerns is being sick after surgery from the
anesthesia, but that is a HUGE worry regardless of who or where my
surgery is. Picking the right doctor means choosing the one that can fix
my body right the 1st time and hopefully with as few problems as
possible. I know women in my support group who have had to go through
surgeries multiple time because they didn't have a good surgery plan or
it wasn't done very well. I am going to be optimistic that I can get it
right the first time.
March 18th Bradley gets his boot off! He's
super excited to finish with that before I finish chemo! He's already
told us the first thing he's going to do when the boot is off- He's
going to ride his skooter. Go figure! Nothing slows this kid down!
March
20th I have my last Herceptin treatment! My appointment is at 9:20am,
so if there are any of you who would like to come to the see me ring the
bell let me know! I don't have an exact time to be there, but it will
be around 10:30-11am. Not everyone can come back into the chemo room
during chemo, so you'll have to wait in the front reception waiting area
and we'll come get you when it's time. I had to get approval to invite
people to be there and they said as long as there isn't 100 people it'll
be fine. So, if you want to be there to watch me ring that bell let me
know. Later that night we'll be having a Chemo party to celebrate the
end of chemo! I'm attaching a photo with the information. More info will
be coming as to what we'll be doing exactly, so stay tuned.
Have
I mentioned my chemo brain before? It is probably the thing that
frustrates me the most! Physically I feel pretty good, but mentally I
feel compromised and not very competent. Yesterday I went to the grocery
store for a few things and checked myself out at the self checkout. I
got cash back on my transaction, but was distracted by another customer
and ended up leaving my cash. I realized after getting in my car that I
had forgotten it, but by the time I got back inside to see if it was
there or had been turned in it had already been taken. The day only went
down hill from there. I went to Costco for THREE things, things I knew I
needed and didn't need to write down because I KNEW what they were. I
walked to the back of the store, in the direction of the toilet paper
and before I got to the toilet paper I forgot what I was getting. Not
just the one item, but all 3 things I was supposed to be getting. I
grumbled in my head about how dumb I was to forget 3 easy things and had
to move over in the isle and check my list on my phone to remind myself
what I was buying. Upon coming home from Costco I needed to work on a
newsletter and calendar for my son's 5th grade class, but could not for
the life of me concentrate enough to do it. I spent the rest of my day
doing simpler things that I knew I could do with my lack of brain power.
I have days that are better than others, and when I have hard days I'm
quick to get discouraged and beat myself up. I have no control over my
chemo brain and look forward to the day when things that used to be
easier for me become easier. Adjusting to change is hard. What I'm
coming to realize is I need to be more patient with myself. Knowing this
doesn't mean it's easy to do. I want to be doing things that I used to
be doing, like working in my kids classrooms, and hopefully by next fall
I can! I loved being involved with things and now I find that those
things just overwhelm me. Just because I'm ending chemo doesn't mean my
brain will return to normal, that will take time. So, please be patient
with me.
This cancer journey has taken me way outside my comfort
zone, and by doing so has introduced me to people I would never have
met, and strengthened relationships I already had! I have found courage
and comfort through the prayers of so many of you! I could not have
asked for a better support system to get me through this life changing
experience. I hope that my journey will help me to find ways to help
others!
I'm pretty sure I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder! The
anxiety I felt leading up to this appointment was crazy! Yesterday as I
drove to pickup my husband and to my appointment I was feeling
physically sick because I was so nervous. Thinking about this next
surgery all I can think about is how I handled my last surgery. If
you'll remember I spent THREE days in the hospital instead of ONE and
was throwing up for THREE days! I have little memory of who came to
visit me or what was going on, but I vividly remember being VERY sick
and in a lot of pain. I don't want to experience that again. Can you
blame me?
I haven't seen Dr. Agarwal since my last expansion,
which was the beginning of November. It was fun to see his nurse again,
she's always very fun to chat with and is good at being friendly and
personable. The last time I was there I have peach fuzz hair, so she
thought it was fun to see me with more hair. She loves my punk rocker
hair, as she called it! Joanna, the P.A. came in and saw me before the
doc. She basically did the same exam and questioning that the doctor
would do when he saw me. The joys of going to a 'teaching' hospital.
While I have a lot of confidence and trust in Dr. Agarwal, it is Joanna
that I love! She has a fantastic bed side manner, she's great at
explaining things in simple terms and she had me feeling completely calm
and comfortable. She was pleased with how well me radiated skin is
looking and how well my expanders have held up. We addressed the
cosmetic issues that needed to be re-visited. She explained the process
of reconstruction for both breasts. The reconstruction of the non-cancer
side will be pretty straight forward, expander out, implant in. NO JP
DRAIN on the right side! Happy! Happy! Happy! The cancer/radiated side
will need a little more help as the skin and tissue have been damaged
from radiation. The skin is more brittle and doesn't have as good of a
blood flow. This side will have an extra procedure done called a
lattissima flap surgery. After the expander is removed and the implant
is inserted an incision will be made on my back, under my shoulder
blade, and the lattissima muscle will be carefully cut away and then
channeled under my armpit to my front side and feathered out over my
entire breast. This will give my unhealthy skin and muscles something
healthy to help with healing and a better outcome. This side will have 3
JP drains, 1 in front for the breast and 2 on my back. Boo! (JP drains
are the worst!!) At this point the doctor came in and we discussed
that same cosmetic concerns. The concerns were documented so we can make
corrections in final surgery and then we discussed again the surgery
process. My biggest concern going in to this meeting was that the doctor
would choose my surgery plan without listening to my input. I wanted to
know HOW he came up with the surgery plan he had, and he was great at
explaining why this surgery was the best for ME! I mentioned that I had
researched a couple different options and asked if they were options we
could consider, he patiently listened to me and then explained those
surgeries and why they were not good options for me. I was so pleased
with the time he spent with me and the confidence he had in my
procedure. He made sure I was happy with everything and that all my
questions and concerns were addressed. At this point we decided to
find the first available surgery date after March 31st. His first
opening was April 8th, but we have a wedding on the 11th so we asked for
the next open surgery date. Turns out he didn't have any openings until
JUNE! But because June is pretty far out the scheduler asked the doctor
if he had any other times he would make available for me. He had a
surgery date of April 29th, which is a surgery date reserved for simpler
surgeries, but for me he made an exception. Surgery was scheduled for
April 29th. I will stop taking tomoxifen 3 weeks before surgery and will
not take it for 1 week following surgery. I go in for my surgery
consolation on April 17th. In the meantime, I need to keep
moisturizing with coconut oil and melaleuca oil, need to keep massaging
the pectoral muscle and surrounding area to keep things softened. I need
to keep up on my physical therapy stretches to keep things loose. For 3
weeks post surgery I am not to use my arms or lift anything so they
want my muscles in the best possible shape before then. I was given a
picture book that goes through the breast reconstruction process. It
was nice to go through last night with Dave. Hopefully having a better
understanding of the process will help me be less nervous. I can hope. Following
surgery I will have a similar recovery as I did the first time around,
no driving, no lifting the milk out of the fridge, lifting nothing
heavier than 5lbs. I'm sure I'll need help showering and taking care of
my JP drains. When the time comes I'll make sure I ask for help, cause
I'm gonna need it! This year we have new insurance which allows us
more options for plastic surgeons, so Dave and I are going to get a 2nd
opinion just to be on the safe side. And then I'll never have to
wondered if I should have later.
If you made it to the end of
this very long update pat yourself on the back. You'll never get those 5
minutes back that it took you to read this, sorry! haha!
Thank you for your continued love and prayers! I love you all!
Last week I got a phone call from the cancer center asking me to forgive
them for doing something without my permission. They had signed me up
for a drug card as if they were me and without my permission. I asked
them what a drug card was so I could decide if I was going to forgive
them. Turns out not many people know about these cards, but the cancer
center is aware of them so they signed me up. This card will help pay
for my Herceptin chemo drug. After the insurance has been billed and my
portion of payment is due the cancer center will forward my balance due
(just for the infusion, not for the labs or doc visit) to the drug
company and they will pay it for me! Hallelujah!! They are able to back
date the new pharmacy card 90 days, which will help cover the cost of
Herceptin from my January chemo. This last chemo (Feb 6th) I didn't see a
doctor so there won't be any doctor fees, but I did have labs, so all I
will be responsible for are the labs. Herceptin alone is just over $500
for my part, so I'm pleased as punch to let a pharmaceutical company
pay that for me! I'm very aware that this was a tender mercy! I am very
grateful for tender mercies!!
Now, on to my appointment... My
chemo buddies were: My dad and my good friends Amy and Mariah, both of
whom I have know since the beginning of my marriage. They are incredible
women and I admire them both. We also had Amy's little guy with us,
which proved for great entertainment! Each time I go to chemo I crave
Chex Mix, but the kind they have at the chemo center is the store bought
kind and I'm not of fan of that, so this time I took with me a huge bag
of homemade chex. Good company and a yummy treat- WIN! I made the
comment on the ride to chemo to my friends that I have fond memories of
my chemo days and they thought that was bizarre. Over that past 15 chemo
treatments I have only gone alone ONCE, and when I went alone the chemo
center was dissappointed! They love when I come to chemo because I
bring a fun group. I have the best family and friends a cancer person
could have! Getting chemo is more fun when I'm surrounded by people who
love me and supporting me! Playing games, munching on treats, visiting
and socializing with the other cancer patients are highlights in my
life. The days following the hard chemo are not days I'd like to
remember, but the love that I felt is worth remembering. FOREVER! I
was able to deliver 2 chemo scarves today. They were chemo scarves I
made for my sister-in-law when she shaved her head with me. Washing them
and ironing them in preparation of donating them brought back many
memories. (As you have noticed I am living in a reflecting state of
mind.)
Today's blood work: White Blood Count- 3.0, same as last time, and still low. (normal is 4.2-10.5) Red Blood Count- 3.98, down from last time, and still a little low. (normal is 4.04-5.48) Hemoglobin- 12, RIGHT ON! (normal is 12-16) Hematocrit- 36.1, up by .1 from last time, and still low. (normal is 38-48) Neutrophils- 1.4, same as last time, and still low. (normal is 2.0-6.9)
When
I saw Rick at my January appointment he told me my counts should have
started going back up once the hard chemo had ended. It's been 6 months,
and for whatever reason my blood work is just not bouncing back like
they thought. I feel great for having my counts low! They haven't
mentioned that they are worried or concerned and I can still receive
Herceptin chemo with these counts.
Only 2 more chemo treatments to go! My next one is February 27th (my lil brothers b-day!) and the final one is March 20th! Put March 20th on your calendar! We're going to have a BIG 'ol Party to celebrate the end of CHEMO! The party will be at the church by my house and will be from 6-8:30pm!
At the ending of my hard chemo's I decided that I wanted to make and
take a chemo scarf to each of my remaining 11 herceptin chemo's. So far
I've been able to do that. This last chemo I took 7 scarves. With only 3
chemo appointments left I have changed my plan. I would now like to
take with me to my last appointment on March 20th one scarf for each
chemo treatment I received over the past year. That would be 17 scarves,
so here's where you come in! I'm looking to see if anyone want to
donate fabric to me, I need about 30 inches by 30 inches, and that'll
make 2 scarves. I am planning to buy some of this fabric myself so I can
find some cute fabric I think women would like. Do any of you sewing
friends have fabric laying around that would make a cute scarf for a
chemo patient? Let me know if you do and I'll come pick it up, unless
your one of my friends who lives out of state. :) This project is going to be so much fun and I look forward to working on it over the next 8 weeks!
In the beginning of all my treatments I was told that I would have 17
chemo treatments; 6 of them would be the hard chemo with herceptin and
the remaining 11 would be herceptin only treatments. Last Friday,
January 16th I had my 7th chemo that was herceptin only. My original
appointment was on January 12th, but because we started a new health
insurance program and didn't have our ID cards yet (or a member ID #), I
needed to cancel my chemo. Utah Cancer Specialist were excellent to
work with, once I had a member ID # they quickly got me preauthrized and
my chemo treatment re-scheduled. Because of the re-schedule I didn't
get to see my doc, instead I saw Rick. My weight today was 143.
Blood pressure was low, which is usual for me. My Dad was my chemo buddy
and was allowed to come back with me for my port access. He had brought
along his go-pro and camera and was able to video the port access. Up
until this point I wasn't able to have someone with me for the port
access (well, except for one other time!). I'm really glad to have a
video of this to remind me of what I had to go through on treatment
days. This may seem silly, but this whole cancer killing/fighting
process fascinates me, and it'll be nice to have these pictures and
videos (of the whole process, not just the port access). You know, just
in case I forget what it was like.
My blood work: White Blood count- 2.9, LOW!, normal is between 4.2-10.5 Red Blood Count- 4.03, LOW!, normal is between 4.04-5.48 HGB (Hemoglobin)- 11.9, LOW!, normal is between 12-16 HCT (Hematocrit)- 36, LOW!, normal is between 38-48 Platelets- 173 (this jumped from 135 at my last treatment!), normal is between 140-450 Neutrophils-
1.4, LOW!, normal is between 2.0-6.9 (over the past 4 months this
number has only increase by 1/10th of a percent. slow and steady and at
least on the rise)
Today we discussed with Rick my achy joints.
He said that this is most likely caused from going through this whole
treatment process. My body has been through a lot, from chemo's, surgery
and radiation. We aren't going to do anything to treat my symptoms,
other than exercise (which in my book means, stay active and don't sit
around). We talked about my foggy chemo brain and he said that it
usually takes about a year after treatments end to be back at 80% of
where I used to be. This wasn't what I wanted to hear, I get really
frusterated and discouraged because I don't feel normal. He also said I
may never be completely back to the way I was before. Double bummer,
lets hope that's not the case for me! Before chemo I loved being
involved with my kids schools and loved a good brain stimulating
challenge, but now I feel overwhelmed so easily. With radiation
complete now is the time I begin taking tomoxifen. We discussed possible
side effects, which would be hot flashes, leg cramps, and uterine
cancer. I will need to make sure I have my yearly girl visit to check
for any abnormalities, and for hot flashes I can take vitamin E pills.
Tomoxifen is a once a day pill and I will take it for 10 years. It used
to be something done only for 5 years, but they are seeing even better
results by extending it to 10 years. If I'm going to have side effects
he said I would notice them right away, and today I took my 5th pill and
so far no side effects.
With only 3 more treatments I scheduled
out my remaining appointments. Did you hear me?! I only have THREE more
treatments!! In about 9 weeks I'll be DONE with chemo treatments!! A
couple of nights before this last treatment I looking at my calendar
with Dave to see what the dates for the next 3 appointments would be,
and when I discovered the date of the final appointment I got emotional!
My final chemo date is March 20th, that is the day I was diagnosed last
year. How appropriate to be finishing on the exact same day! Typing
this in my journal makes me emotional still. The feeling I feel is one
of complete happiness; that I have been able to survive this whole
ordeal! To say I have been supported by all you wonderful friends and
family is an understatement, I feel like you have carried me more than
supported me through this. The greatest blessing that may come out of
this, besides my life, is the love and friendship that has been
strengthened with each one of you. Thank YOU!! So, with chemo coming
to an end I think a party is in order!! Here are my thoughts, I would
love for any of you that would like to be at the chemo center when I
ring the bell to be there! You wouldn't all be able to sit with my
during treatment, but you could be out in the waiting area and we'll
come get you to watch me ring the bell. Before I can do this I need to
check with the cancer center to see how big of a 'party group' they'll
let me have. :) I'm thinking of reserving my church later that day to
have a party! Do something pot luck style so you can come and enjoy
some goodies and stay and visit. My daughter Dallas said if we do this
she will have her friends help her decorate the gym. I'd love your
suggestions and ideas too! So start sending them to me!
Being diagnosed with cancer just before Easter meant that I didn't
get to do my usual chocolate dipped eggs. For those of you who know me,
you know that I LOVE dipping chocolates and especially Easter eggs! For
Christmas I dip chocolates for my family, it's a tradition that my
Grandma Baker started way back! Now that she is older and not doing any
candy making or chocolate dipping I have taken on the job of doing this
for all my siblings, their kids, my mom's parents and a few of my Dads
neighbors. This project is something that takes about 3 weeks. I got
started with the process on December 3rd following one of my radiation
appointments. It felt great standing over a hot stove taking in the
yummy smells of candy cooking on the stove. The first day I was able to
make all the caramel needed for turtles and homemade twix bites. The
following day I made a large batch of caramel. The plan was to spend the
following Saturday dipping with the help of my girls and Dave. Saturday
rolled around and after getting Bradley off to a cub scout activity we
began the long process of dipping. By the time Bradley was back from his
scout activity we were still up to our elbows in chocolate. Dave
decided to take the boys for a bike ride to keep them entertained (and
out of my hair) while the girls and I continued to dip. Following their
bike ride they returned home to get gear for the skate park. About an
hour after they had left to the skate park I reached a point in my
dipping where I needed to take a break to get the next batch of candies
ready for dipping. It was during this short break that I got a phone
call from Dave asking what hospital emergency room he could go to with
Bradley, whom he was sure had a broken leg. Being a Saturday our
insurance was closed so I did a quick search on the internet and told
him he could go to St. Marks. At this point I stopped getting ready for
the next batch of dipping and left in my own car to meet them at the
hospital. Dallas came with me so she could bring Colter home in my
vehicle. Bradley had an X-ray that confirmed he had a broken bone,
actually 2 broken bones. He broke both the Tibia and Fibula, and because
of the nature of the break the tendon at the top of foot stretched and
broke the bone on the top of his foot. With a break like this they
consulted with an orthopedic surgeon at Primary Childrens, and then
decided it was best that he be transported by ambulance to Primary
Childrens to be seen. The surgeon there wanted to be see him himself to
decide if Bradley would need surgery. Dave drove our car and rode with
Bradley in the ambulance.The ambulance ride was VERY bumpy, and after
almost being t-boned by another car we finally made it to Primary's.
They were quick to get us in a rooom, but the Dr. was slow to see us.
Turns out that because the weather had been so nice that day there were a
lot of broken bones and the only on-call orthopedic surgeon was busy
taking care of other ER patients. The nurses were good to take care of
Bradley while we waited. Sometime around 10-11pm the surgeon came in to
take care of Bradley. It was decided to do conscious sedation, set the
bones and put on a cast; no surgery. But because they were doing the
cast so soon after the injury and with his leg swollen he would need to
stay in the hospital to make sure he didn't get 'compartment syndrome',
which is the leg swelling inside the cast and causing too much pressure
resulting in insufficient blood supply to muscles and nerves. This would
require immediate surgery. By 2am he was taken to a hospital room and
at about that time I drove home to get some sleep. The following morning
I was awoken by a phone from Dave saying they were discharging Bradley
and to come and get them. Bradley came home with crutches and some
really good pain pills. He was pretty out of it for a couple days and
didn't move a whole lot. I was able to go pick up his wheelchair as this
was how he would be getting around for a while. 3 days after coming
home from the hospital we went back for a follow up visit and everything
looked good so they said he could go back to school. Our elementary
school was great about getting everything ready for him to come to
school in his wheelchair! Bradley was excited to go back, and truthfully
I think he was mostly excited to show off his new wheels. Bradley
during all of this was a really good sport! Dave and I took turns in the
morning getting Bradley to school. After school I picked him up; the
novelty of this was short lived for me as the school parking lot at the
end of the day being a nightmare! Bradley has since learned to get
around by scooting on around on his bum in the house. He hates using his
crutches and the wheelchair in our house doesn't work very well. 10
days after breaking his leg we took him back in to get a new cast, the
swelling had gone down so much he could wiggle his leg in his cast,
which was very painful and not good. His new cast was tighter and went
higher up his thigh and was VERY PINK! He loved his pink cast! 5 weeks
later (this past week) he was taken in for a shorter cast. His new cast
stops just below his knee and is bright hunters ORANGE! :) He has a shoe
he straps to his cast so he can walk on it. However he is very timid
and doesn't want to walk on it yet. He's afraid it's going to hurt and
his muscles are pretty weak. Dave and I keep encouraging him to try
walking oh his leg, hopefully he'll get the hang of it soon! Tomorrow
I'm sending him to school with only his crutches. Thank goodness for NO
snow, right?!
Many of you were so kind to Bradley and our family
during this whole nightmare! We are so grateful for the kindness shown
to us! We loved all the visitors, love notes and goodies! Thank you for
your love and prayers! Bradley still has a long road ahead of him but he
is expected to return to his normal self! Next month we go back to get
this cast off and then he'll wear a walking boot for about another
month. If all goes well it looks like he'll be cast and boot free by the
time I have my final chemo! Another reason to celebrate!!
Procrastinating my journal updates was not a good idea. While the reason
I put it off seemed logical, the amount of brain power to come up with
my original thoughts and feelings is going to be very difficult. I think
at best, I'll just be journaling what was going on this month. Any
random thoughts are a bonus. December 1st I had my final physical
therapy. I was able to get my full range of motion back! I loved my time
at physical therapy and loved meeting the people there. I was the
youngest person there during my appointment times, and most of the
others were there for knee or foot surgeries. There was one guy (can't
remember his name now, dangit!) that was there the same days and time I
was and we loved teasing each other about who got to use the equipment
first. As we got to visit more each time I came to learn he worked at a
gun range, so it was fun to talk about shooting 'big guns'. I remember
him thinking it was pretty humorous that I liked shooting guns, said I
didn't seem the type. Whatever that means! December 1st, again- I had
a radiation treatment followed by a herceptin chemo. Today my chemo
buddy was my friend Sarah and her cute little baby Theo. The radiation
appointment went pretty quick! I showed up 15 minutes early to get
dressed in my gown and once I was taken back to the radiation room it
was fast. Getting me set up on the table and all lined up took only a
few minutes and when the radiation started I was radiated in 5 different
places, each spot for only 5- 30 seconds. Once radiation was done we
moved over to the chemo side of the office. Sarah taught me some new
card games and Theo sat very content in his stroller for most of the
time. December 1st chemo stats- White blood count: 3.0 (normal is 4.2-10.5) Red blood count: 3.95 (normal is 4.04-5.48) HGB (Hemoglobin): 11.9 (normal is 12.0-16.0) HCT (Hematocrit): 35.6 (normal is 38-48) Platelets: 171 (normal is 140-450) Neutrophils: 1.2 (normal is 2.0-6.9)
